Bonfire

We woke up to our chicken coup ablaze last week around 4:30am. This is the coup where we keep the baby chicks not ready to transition to the big hen house. You know, the coup right by our bedroom window. I heard the chicks chirping wildly as I was in and out of sleep. When their chirping began to sound panicky I looked outside our bedroom window to see a light not quite like the sunrise. It only took a moment to realize it was a roaring fire. I have to tell you, in theory I do not do well with emergencies. I am easily rattled by the idea that harm might come to me or my family. But in the face of my first really dangerous situation I did great! The first thing I did was wake Shelby up. Next I ran outside to let the chicks out. In retrospect I should have gotten my kids away from that side of the house first, but it hadn't occurred to me that the fire might have reached the house as well by then. The chicks were huddled in the coolest part of the gated area outside the coup and I could not get them to exit. I finally pulled the fence up where they were and they escaped unharmed. Then I ran in to gather my kids just in case the fire spread to the house. Shelby in the mean time did the thing that never even crossed my mind. He worked on putting out the fire with the garden hose. Once my kids were safe I asked if we should call 911, but he assured me the flames were under control. My guy is such a man. We decided that between my instinct to save all living things, and his instinct to fight the danger we make a pretty good pair. Amazingly I was able to get back to sleep once there was no immediate threat. Shelby was not so lucky. He spent the rest of the night wide awake and keeping guard.

Carson poops pretty much exclusively in the toilet now. I know this is not the thing most people want to read about but it is big news to us. That means in the potty training department I have 3 down and one to go! In other Carson related news, I sent him to wash up for bed last night and then I got distracted with something else. Several minutes later, once there was peace and quiet upstairs, I heard the bathroom water running. When I went in, Carson was covered in bright pink lipstick (I have to say, not my lipstick. It belongs to the girls). He had it all over his face and hands. When I asked him what he was doing he said "Umm, washing mine hands." This morning he still has a smeary ring of pink lipstick all around his mouth. Luckily he is secure in his masculinity.

One of the hardest things about being a mom is dealing with fairness. My sense of equality is constantly under scrutiny. If I tell Carson I love him in front of Lilly, she insistsI tell her I love her too. While tucking in the girls, I do not hear the end of it if I spend more time with one than the other. This is an aspect of parenting I did not anticipate. For a few months now my response to questions like "Why did Rachel get the first one?" or "How come Carson got more than me?" is always "Because I love him/her more than you." That response has mostly lost its shock value at this point.

I am so excited for summer I can hardly stand it! I have scheduled out our summer fun on our calendar, but not in an attempt to be super type A (which I am not). Rather it is my way of making it a priority. Otherwise doctor appointments and other things will get in the way. So here it is in a nutshell. Mondays is library day, which will take place promptly after boot camp. Tuesdays is swimming day. If the weather does not permit, we will go bowling instead. I signed the kids up for a free bowling program this summer. On Wednesday we will do a craft. For those of you who may not be aware, I am not super crafty so this one scares me a little. I figure we can always paint rocks if nothing else. Thursday is field trip day, and I have a whole list of places to take them. Friday is free day because I think we will all be ready to chill by the end of the week. I am so excited!

P.S. I have photos but the computer is not cooperating. Stay tuned!

California

My grandfather's 95th birthday party was in California last weekend and I wanted to attend. After much consideration it was decided that I would take Emilia and drive there with my parents while Shelby stayed home with the other kids. We left bright and early Friday morning. When I went to wake Emilia up I was overwhelmed by a horrible stench coming from her crib. Initially I thought she had pooped but upon further inspection I realized she had thrown-up in the night and then slept in it all night. As a side note, I will never understand how kids can throw up in their sleep, roll over and continue to snooze in a pile of their own vomit. Anyway it was a rough start to a very rough 13 hour drive. My kids have all been good travellers as babies to varying degrees. Rachel was the best. She could be in a car for hours and we would not hear a peep. Emilia has a very poor track record so far. I thought having me sit by her would help but it only made her mad. She probably thought I was being a jerk for just sitting there instead of getting her out of her car seat. During the course of the car ride she threw up once, had one blow out diarrhea diaper, let out periodic high pitch screeches (I am talking frequent blood-curdling screams), and cried for the last solid 2 hours of the car ride. My dad's cousin Fay rode with us and apparently nobody told her we were bringing a baby. She said when she got in the car that she loves babies, but I wonder if by the end she changed her mind. The rest of the trip Emilia was pretty good, and I was happy to have a child with me. It helped me miss the others less. The ride home was significantly more peaceful, probably because by then she was feeling much better.

While I was gone the kids were great for Shelby. Part of me was hoping they would make things a little difficult for him as to evoke some feelings of appreciation for what I do all day. Carson apparently pooped only in the toilet the whole time, something he had rarely done up to that point. The girls were nice and well-behaved, and they all had fun together. The minute I got back Carson regressed to strictly pooping in his pants again. Usually when I return from a trip my kids all try to be difficult, maybe to punish me for leaving? The day after I got back was a perfect mother day. The kind that makes me just love my life. Shelby left me with a pretty clean house, so I did not have much house work to do. The weather was nice, and other than the pooping thing, all the kids were pleasant. I wish every day was that good!

I asked Lilly to get me the mail the other day. She went to the mailbox without her shoes and ended up with three giant slivers. She wanted more than anything to leave them in her foot for life, but they had to come out. Getting them out was an all day traumatic process for both of us. Every time I touched her foot she would scream that it hurt and pull away. So we made a deal. She promised she would hold still if I promised not to use a skeedle (needle). We tried tweezers and fingernails, but Lilly was not keeping her end of the bargain. She would not let me anywhere near the slivers before she kicked and screamed and wiggled away. I gave her periodic breaks but it did not help. Finally in desperation I grabbed a needle, held her down and removed the first sliver. I am sure my neighbors considered calling child protective services, such were the screams. After the first sliver she asked me if we could just please talk about it. I sat her on my lap and she told me through her tears how if she had only been wearing shoes none of this would have happened, and how there wasn't even any mail in the mailbox, and could we please just leave the slivers in. By the end of the conversation we were both crying. But the slivers had to come out. So I held her down and removed the last two slivers while trying to tune out her screaming.

Emilia had an appointment with her cardiologist yesterday. I wasn't sure I would make it back in time to get Rachel from the bus, so I left Lilly and Carson with Amber and on a whim, picked Rachel up from school early so she could come with me. I wanted to spend some time with her and thought it would make her feel special. Now that she is getting older it is fun to talk to her about more grown-up stuff. Of course she is still mostly child. She has been talking about getting a magic wand for a few weeks. She even prays for it, but to no avail. In the car yesterday she told me she was just going to get a magic horse instead. That way her magic horse can make her a magic wand. Sounds logical, right? I asked her if I could ever ride her magic horse and after thinking for a minute she said "I will just have my magic horse make you your own magic horse." the other conversation we had: "Rachel, what is your least favorite color?" Rachel answers a definite "Red." A little surprised I respond "Why red?" She tells me "All the bad guys are red. My least favorite number is four because it is everywhere and it freaks me out." I said "interesting" but in my mind I was thinking "Weird".

No Time

As you may have noticed my blog posts have become much less frequent in the last couple of months. The reason is simple. I am busy. We have a lot going on in our little world from day to day. The thing is, the busier I am, the more I have to blog about. It is difficult to remember everything but I will do my best.

I love listening to Carson talk. He puts so much emphasis in everything he says. For example he never greets me with a simple "Hello". It is always "(Gasp) Hiii mom!" Even if he saw me 5 minutes earlier in some other room. Other Carson-speak: "Ooh..Mom those are bit (big) mountains! We go to the mountains please?" My answer, "No we have to take Rachel to karate." His response, "Please! I promise, please!" Why "I promise" I don't know. He says it anytime he wants something that I say no to. It may have its roots in him watching me try and put the girls in time-out. They used to bargain with "Please mom, I promise I won't do it again!" Also Carson calls ear wax "ear poop". The other day he said "Mom, there's poop in mine ear!" In the car the other day Rachel asked if I like animals and I said I do. Carson said "I hate animals!" Now before you grow to be concerned remember he does not fully understand the word hate. And he loves animals. I said "Carson that isn't very nice." As if to try and justify his hate for animals he said "I don't hate you. And I don't hate Daddy. And I don't hate Lilly." Rachel interjected to find out if he hates her, which he says he doesn't. When I get after him for not doing something I asked him to do he says "mo-om I a-am!" Which he might as well add "duh" to the end of it.

Lilly is officially registered for kindergarten. Mostly I cannot believe it, yet at the same time it seems like she was born ready. At the screening she aced everything except cutting on a squiggly line. I'm not surprised since Rachel is the keeper of scissors at our house. She likes to be in charge and Lilly usually falls in line. Another notable Lilly thing is her rock collection. Wherever she goes Lilly is on the lookout for pretty rocks. Her favorite are the teeny tiny ones that only people 3 feet tall are close enough to the ground to see. She likes to give them to me as gifts. As a result her and I have perpetually gravel-filled pockets.

I thought I had nipped the whole swearing thing in the bud with Lilly, and I guess I had. Rachel blindsided me however when she couldn't figure out how to use the keyboard and said "What the hell?" I have really got to start tuning into what my kids are hearing.

Emilia had her 9 month checkup yesterday. The girl is an eater like you wouldn't believe, but apparently all that food is going straight to her long skinny legs. Emilia is in the first percentile for weight and the 100th percentile for height. That is a first for our kids. Usually we are on the bottom of the chart for both. Other than the constant blood curdling screaming she makes us all endure, she is doing great. The doctor says her heart sounds uninteresting. Fantastic!

I love my kids. Some days I like them more than others. Yesterday I had the stomach flu. The smart thing for a person to do in this situation is to throw a movie on to entertain the kids while she sleeps on the couch. But before I got sick I had already made a plan for the day, and I was determined to stick with it. Emilia had her doctors appointment, and since we are into conserving gas (at $3.75 a gallon, who isn't?), we were going to hit the grocery store right afterwards for some serious grocery shopping. Rachel was feeling green as well, so she was pretty much out of it. Lilly was so distraught by all the attention Rachel was getting for feeling sick that she claimed to be sick too. What came next was a series of over-emotional meltdowns at the slightest provocation on Lilly's part. Does anyone remember how old Carson is? That's right, he is three. Three-year-olds listen great. The first half of the shopping trip I made him sit in the cart much to his serious dismay. After watching him stand on my apples and scream "lemme out!" for the ninth time, I let him walk. Supposedly with the stipulation that he stays close to me. Did I mention that he is three? Oh and remember that doctor's appointment for Emilia? She got shots of course so she was not in the best of moods either. She did fine as long as I was standing right in front of her, but the minute we could not make direct eye contact she started in on the screaming. Probably they were not all that bad, but remember I had the stomach flu. Everything seemed about 10 times harder. I don't like to use this blog to unload, but I think my children should someday be able to look back at some of these posts and recognize the sacrifices I made for them...right?

Weird

So Carson talks now. He talks and talks, and says things he should not say. I was deep in conversation with my friend Stacee as he was trying to get my attention. Finally he took my face in his hands, stared straight into my eyes and said, "Mom, shut up." Lilly told me a wildly morbid story in the car the other day in which several people died. I said "Lilly, that's weird." Carson picked up on it, and now "that's weird" is his new catch phrase. At dinner last night he poured the last of the juice in his cup. I was disappointed because I wanted the last of the juice. But when I expressed my disappointment he said "No mom. You drink yours water." When we all giggled he looked around and said "That's weird." Of course that made us laugh even harder, which just made him mad. Another thing he has been saying is "I hate you." But before you judge, you need to understand where he got this from. Carson has horrible eczema, on top of already dry and scaly skin. I have been trying to keep lotion on him but he fights me every time. I was slathering him up the other day and he was crying and desperately trying to get away. Trying to express my sympathy I said, "Carson do you just hate this?" Ever since, when he is being teased by the girls he says very calmly "I hate you." It seems to be in attempt to express his feelings about being teased more than his feeling towards one of his sisters. Just the same, we are working with him on it.

Lilly's new favorite color is blue because it is her "Best Friend Elizabeth's" favorite color. She also stopped wearing underwear to bed for a while because her "Best Friend Elizabeth" does not wear underwear to bed. I put the kibosh on that one, but it illustrates the point that Lilly is following Elizabeth's lead. This seemed odd to me at first since Lilly does not strike me as a follow-the-crowd type of kid. But I don't think that is what this is. I think Lilly is incredibly empathetic by nature, and because of this she tries to find congruity with those around her. She wants to relate to everyone, and by adopting the habits and likes of those around her she can. Holy psychology moment! OK, it has passed. On a more light-hearted note, we have baby chicks. They are from Rachel's Kindergarten class. Mrs. Atkins did not have anything to do with them once the class was over, so we are taking them to raise as laying hens. Side note, I hate caring for living creatures that are not my children. It is hard enough to keep my own babies alive! I had nightmares all night about the chicks getting eaten. But back to Lilly. Last night she brought worms in from the garden for the chicks to eat. This is a huge step for Lilly-Who-Loves-All-Living-Things. Before she gave the worms to the chicks, I wanted her to be very clear that they would be eaten. She understood, and wanted to feed them anyway.

Melissa Millward told me that her daughter Allison told her that Rachel and Walker kissed! And if you cannot trust a 5-year-old when it comes to this sort of gossip, who can  you trust? I asked Rachel about it and she swears it never happened. She said all the other kids were telling them to kiss but they didn't. I believe her, but it got us to talking about her relationship with boys. Shelby told her she can't kiss until she is a teenager. I adamantly disagree. As far as I'm concerned she can kiss all she wants between now and her 10th birthday. But from ages 10-25, her lips are off-limits. I asked her if she still liked Walker and she said yes. She also told me Walker has another girlfriend. I asked her how she feels about that and without hesitation she said, "Good." She also said, "Sage is my other boyfriend, but don't tell him!" Apparently when you are 6, all you need to do in order to have a boyfriend is claim him silently.

Emilia is close to crawling, and she is so excited by it she can hardly contain herself. I am actually excited too. Not because I cherish the idea of having to chase her around keeping her from harm's way. More because maybe once she can crawl around she won't need me to make direct eye contact with her during every moment of her waking hours. She literally screams at me (screams, not cries) until I look at her, then she stares me down with her soul-piercing eyes until I look away. Then the screaming starts again. That is one spoiled baby. Part of me thinks I need to have another baby so she won't be spoiled. But if I follow that logic I will always and forever be having babies, and I don't want that.

Wah Wah Wah Wah

As you all know, Carson has finally begun to converse freely with the rest of us. Every day he seems to become more fluent. Occasionally he gets lazy though. If he wants to tell me something but does not want to take the time to form a complete sentence, he says "Mom! Wah wah wah wah?" I always respond with something akin to "I don't know what that means." At that point he gives me a coy little smile and then tells me in English what he is trying to say.

I remember being around Rachel's age and wanting more than anything for the adults in my world to take me seriously. I wanted to be treated like a grown-up. I wanted my ideas to be taken seriously, and not to be laughed at when I would say something "cute". I can see this with Rachel, and I have tried really hard to talk to her like an adult, and not poke fun when she says something I find amusing. Sometimes it is just so hard! Last night she was still awake when we headed to bed, an occurrence that is not terribly rare around our house. Before going upstairs Shelby told her that he would know if she turned her light on. When I came to rotate the laundry she said very seriously "Mom, I want to ask you something... How is it dad knows when I turn my light on?" It took me a second to understand what she was talking about. Once I got it I said, "Oh Rachel, I can't tell you. It's a secret!" I thought she would find this mysterious, but she was just annoyed that I was not letting her in on the whole thing. This put me in a spot since obviously Shelby has no idea whether or not she turns her light on. But if I were to tell her the "secret" the whole scare tactic is shot. In the end I kept it to myself. She was pretty mad at me.

As I said last time, Lilly is really into hunting for worms. As a result, I have endless mason jars lying around outside with the dried up, shriveled remains of dead worms. When her and Carson were getting eggs for me the other day, Carson accidentally let the chickens out of their cage. Lilly was devastated. She cried and cried because "The chickens will eat my worms!" We still have on our hands a little vegetarian. I took the kids to get burgers last night and I asked her if she wanted meat on hers this time. She said (a bit shrilly) "No mom. I'm a vegetarian. Vegetarians don't eat meat!" She might as well have added a "Duh!" to the end of her statement.

My kids are awesome. For spring break we did nothing horribly exciting. We spent a ton of time outside playing together, or with cousins and friends. The best thing about it is we were all together. I loved it! I totally see now why some people would want to home school their kids. Rachel went back to school on Tuesday, and I hated to see her go. She was not exactly thrilled about it either. That girl has a long 12 years ahead of her!

Super Spy

Lilly has been insisting over the past couple of weeks that we call her Super Spy. That is, when she or I remember. Mostly we both forget but on occasion she will quiz me with the question, "Mom, what's my name?" I usually remember at that point and call her by her new name until we both forget again. Rachel's new preferred name is Jakeson. I don't know why.

I had my first eye doctor appointment in close to two years on Wednesday. Rachel and Lilly were with me and helped me pick out my glasses when we were done. They both picked out a pair of round glasses with pink frames, definitely designed for someone twice my age. To humor them, I tried them on just long enough to pretend to consider them. Then I told the girls they just were not my style. Rachel was deeply offended at having her opinion brushed aside, and both girls were mortified that I wanted to get the plain black frames. I swear I almost got the pink ones just to validate their opinion but I just could not do it. Finally we compromised on a pair similar to the simple black frames I liked, only these were purple. For these I got both Rachel and Lilly's approval. After all what did I have daughters for if not to tell me what is cool.

After the eye appointment, Rachel had karate. Up to this point the three of us had been getting along famously, but on the car ride home everything came to a head. The girls were hungry and tired, and I was otherwise engaged in a phone call with Felicia and in no position to offer support. So of course they turned on each other. I heard the fighting and looked into my rear view mirror just in time to see Rachel karate kick Lilly. I had a flash of parenting genius and told them that since they could not get along, the next day they would spend the whole day together practicing. In other words they were grounded. Here is the thing about being grounded that in my moment of genius I forgot. When the kids have to spend all day together in the house "learning" how to get along, I have to be in the house with them. It is a sort of punishment for us all. Let's just say everyone went to bed nice and early last night.

I cannot believe how big my baby boy is getting. Every time I turn around he looks a year older. Part of this is his new found sense of independence. With the independence I always have to remind myself to take a step back. Two days ago Carson insisted on wearing a pair of pajamas as clothes. After he peed in them and changed into regular clothes, he insisted on wearing the regular clothes, backwards collar shirt and all, to bed that night. I drew the line the next day when he wanted to put the same clothes back on after his bath. Another difficulty is the issue of backwards clothes. You would think he has a 50/50 chance of getting his pants, shirt, and/or shoes on the right way. However he seems to get all three on backwards or wrong feet three out of five times. I try not to correct yet. It is impressive enough that he is doing it by himself at this stage. We will approach details later.

Emilia has completely lost interest in nursing and bottles. Because of her history I was nervous about this until it was suggested to me that she does not want to nurse because of all the many other interesting things there are to see and do. This instantly rang true to me. She is constantly looking around and observing. Eating probably really does interfere. Shelby and I took a trip to Salt Lake for his cousin's wedding. We left the other kids home, but took Emilia with us. Emilia does not love car rides, as was evident by her fussiness on the way to and from SLC. She also does not love sleeping on vacation. Maybe it was the excitement of the next days activities that got her all riled up, or just sleeping in a new place, but she was up and ready to go by 5:30 the next morning. You would think this meant she would sleep great on the ride home, but she did not. She was one tired, fussy little baby. Despite this, she was delightful while we were there.

The potty training continues. Carson has been pretty good but I still mostly need to remind him to go. He still poops in his pants pretty much every time. Once he tried desperately to convince me that it was mud in his pants, but I know poop when I see it! The potty training aside, Carson is delightful. He is getting better at talking all the time, and the whole potty training has given him a new sense of Independence. His favorite thing to say is "No, me do it!" I love-hate this phase that all of my children have gone through. Independence for my children means Independence for me eventually. But as of right now, there are some things he wants to do himself that he truly cannot. For these things I have to take a step back and let him try, even though I want desperately to jump in and help. Then there are those things he can do himself but sometimes we are in a hurry. It often creates a little fight between us.

My favorite thing about Rachel is her unique view on the world. Her latest philosophical question posed to me was why did Heavenly Father send us to Earth? I asked her what she thought the reason was and she more or less suggested he sent us here so he could have some peace and quiet up in Heaven. I am sure I am responsible for this idea since I frequently send my kids downstairs to play so I can have some peace of my own.

So spring is here, and with the weather being warmer, my kids have been spending more time outside. For Lilly this means that worm-hunting season has begun. Now she has a partner, our neighbor Elizabeth. The two of them spend hours in my garden collecting and playing with worms. They are not malicious, but I am a little worried`about my own worm supply for the sake of my garden.

Tuesday was my house cleaning day. It was a nasty, cold, snowy day. Rachel did not have school so we spent all day in the house together. I have been trying to limit the amount of TV the kids watch, and because of this we REALLY spent a lot of time together. It was wonderful. Everyone was happy, and because I had nothing else going on, the house-cleaning was not as rushed and urgent as usual. At the end of the day, we were all a little stir crazy so we went to McDonald's in our jammies for ice cream. It was an absolutely perfect day. I have great kids!